Lotus and Rose

Impulses

Alone

By Elizabeth Andersson

It's Saturday, more than a week after dad returned home. Unlike my other sojourns with dad, I feel I'm having an easier time letting his care pass over into the hands of those around him at home. That feels good.

I spent a few days feeling a bit lost but was prepared for that. Then came a day when I felt my impulses.

I made that a contemplation activity when I lived in the country. I started some days taking stock of my impulses, i.e. ideas for what was important to me on that day, then chose from among them and attended to them. It might have been practical household stuff, like window-cleaning, or a creative project, or something else. The important thing was that the source was an impulse. An impulse isn't exactly the same as an idea. An impulse is charged somehow - with interest or with life - but it's charged and compelling in a certain way that ideas don't have to be accompanied by.

I didn't get many days like that when dad was here. I can go a long while not sorting my impulses and then acting on them but I miss it. If a longish period goes by, I wonder if I can still do it. It's precious to me to have days lived like that - one of the best things I know about having a life, really.

So my first day of returning to that was Monday or Tuesday. I didn't do anything much, there was just a sense of flow to the day and I enjoyed it. To my surprise, I got to have one more shortly after, the day I collected my first surfboard, and then left it with the repairman. I don't expect it to be fixed for another week though but I'm having fun daydreaming about a surfboard that actually is mine.

I had a very satisfying moment this week. I had numerous errands from the summer and spring involving getting money back. The train from Germany was late by three hours and I applied for money back from that for the three of us, my friends and me. The travel company sold a travel package that included breakfast but we paid cash so I applied for money back from that. A delivery service over-charged for delivering the notices to the condominium tenants so I applied for money back for that. The bank allowed payment for dad's plane ticket after I'd cancelled the credit card and without the travel company asking my permission for the transaction so I applied for money back for that. I got notice that the money is back in my account for three of the four money-back errands. It's quite a bit of money all in all - about 500 dollars. I've never had a season of going after companies to get money back before. The package delivery  company, for example, finally paid me back after over a dozen phone calls - but did it by giving me credit to use their services sometime in the future. Like I would ever do that again! I phoned and said I preferred to have the money in my account instead of a credit. They said write us an email with your bank info. I did. Then I wrote and asked for confirmation that they had received my bank info. Then I wrote a second time with the same message. Then I got a letter saying they had received my bank info and the money would be in my account in two or three banking days.

I am standing aside and looking at myself and being very amazed and impressed with myself.